How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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