If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
