I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
