I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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