he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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