There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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