it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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