I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
