There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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