We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
