In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
