Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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