So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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