Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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