i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
