a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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