my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
