I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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