I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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