I just made out with a guy for $7.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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