Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
