dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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