my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
