I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
