I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Less talking, more tequila
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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