you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is wine microwaveable?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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