don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
