I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
