dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
