I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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