you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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