Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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