my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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