the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
