God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
