I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
