I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
