u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
