Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
