What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
