I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
