he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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