he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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