you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
