what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
