Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
