Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
