you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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