We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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