Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
