Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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