nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
