I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my phone needs a breathalizer
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i've created a new STD.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
